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Of the many unlikeable and inaccurate stereotypes maintained about animals in popular consciousness, among the most frustrating is what I term “old man turtle”. In keeping with the stupid “old man turtle” idea, popular culture would have it that turtles are weak, flaccid, crappy organisms with dull social lives, stunted and barely functional internal organs and undersized sex organs. Hydraulic intromittent male sexual organs – a variety of popular, alternative names are available – are not unique to mammals among tetrapods.

This is the idea that turtles (by which I mean, all members of Testudines) are like decrepit, weak, bony little old men housed inside a box. Well, wait a goddam minute…Believe it or don’t, turtles are horrifically well endowed, and if the thought of learning more about the genitals of these oh-so-surprising reptiles doesn’t appeal to you, look away now. They’re also present in squamates, archosaurs and turtles.

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